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the cult member finds himself happy to see you, it may cause the member
to feel some confusion, but the confusion is a good thing as it will
challenge the cult propaganda.
- DO get the cult member to come home for a visit whenever
possible. Get a solid commitment from him as to the date. Invite the
family member home for family functions, for holidays, even for a
funeral. Keep the contact with the person alive in any way possible.
- DON'T ever tell the cult member that his views are
ridiculous, absurd or wrong. Don't use the words "cult" or "deprogram"
with the cult member as these will immediately identify you to him as a
Suppressive Person.
- DO learn to practice active listening techniques with the
cult member. Train yourself to listen to everything he has to say.
Listen respectfully, ask questions which will cause the person to
clarify or explain what was just said, especially when the person has
just spouted some rote cult propaganda. Whenever possible, try to
stimulate the thinking processes of the cult member. Encourage the cult
member to talk about his or her experiences in the cult. Whenever
possible, try to relate experiences from your past which are similar.
Let the person know that you are trying to understand.
- DO become educated about the group. Read anything you can
find about Scientology. Read books, magazines, newspapers. Take notes.
Contact the anti-cult organizations for information. Even collect some
of the cult propaganda. When you are educated, talk to other family
members or former friends of the Scientologist to let them know what's
happening. Supply them with facts and information
to help them understand the situation.
- DO learn some of the key Scientology words such as:
"clear," "reality," "auditor," "ethics" or "ethical," etc. and avoid
using these words in conversation with the Scientologist. Using these
words will have the effect of pulling the Scientology training and
propaganda in on him and make it more difficult for you to achieve
closeness in the relationship.
- DON'T send unsolicited critical articles in the mail to
the Scientologist. He she won't read them, and will again identify you
as a Suppressive Person (the enemy), making it harder for you to
establish a relationship in the future. If there is an article you wish
to share with the person, wait until you are alone with him and have
more control over the situation. I do not know of any instance in which
showing the Scientologist a critical article helped to get him out of
Scientology; usually it has the opposite effect.
- DO be prepared, however, with information that you have
collected. The person may come home at any time. Life in Scientology is
not easy; some members do walk away from the organization because the
conditions inside the cult became unbearable. This does not mean they
are "out" of Scientology. But if they do come home and are
disillusioned, it may be a time to very gently start to show them the
other side of the story regarding Scientology.
- DON'T try, however, to get the person out of Scientology
by yourself, if there is an alternative. You and the cult member are too
emotionally involved for you to be effective in counseling the person
out of Scientology. If the Scientologist does come home for any reason
try to find an ex-Scientologist or an ex-member from another cult who is
familiar with Scientology to talk to your family member. If the
Scientologist has to admit that he is wrong, it will be much easier for
him to do with a neutral person than with a parent.
- DO ask the Scientologist still in the cult about his
personal needs. Is he getting enough sleep? Is he eating enough? Are
they getting medical care? Does he need a care package? If so, send one
at once, or, better yet, take one to him. Small gifts of food, clothes,
toiletries, etc. are usually much needed by the Scientologist.
- DON'T ever send cash or money, however, as it will
immediately go to the cult, especially large amounts. Send small gifts
instead. If the member wants to come home, send the plane ticket, not
the cash. Most Scientologists are eager to do their "next level" in
Scientology, and if you send money, that's where it will go. Especially
avoid sending inheritance money. It would be better to keep that money
set aside for the Scientologist until he or she comes out of the cult,
when the money will be much needed for recovery.
- DON'T pay large amounts of money for deprogrammers or for
legal aid until you have thoroughly checked out the credentials of the
person in question. With exit counselors or deprogrammers, ask for the
phone numbers of three or more familes who have used them, and call the
families to ask about their experiences with the person.
- DON'T, if your child leaves Scientology, attempt to
replace the cult experience with another religion, no matter how strong
your own personal beliefs are. Don't try to witness to the Scientologist
or the newly exited Scientologist. Show your love through what you do